'When You Know, Then You Don’t' is out now!
(Image: via Facebook)
CONTENT WARNING: This article contains discussions of sexual assault. If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, or domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au.
In 2020, Australian singer-songwriter, Brooke Lambert showed remarkable strength after courageously telling fans on social media that she was allegedly drugged and raped after playing a solo gig. She continued to chronicle details of the event and feelings following the traumatic experience. With the release of her deeply personal single, Smile Again, she showed that while unspeakable moments can’t necessarily be erased, they don’t have to define or completely ruin you.
Lambert wrote, “The weeks following consisted of abuse and threats to remove my statement against my rapist. My anxiety had gotten so bad that I couldn’t eat, talk or breathe without struggle. I’d developed a fear of my phone and my whole entire body would shut down when I heard it ring in case it was someone calling to abuse me again."
She continued, "Meanwhile, playing that night in my head over and over again… I was in therapy for 6 months, but it wasn’t enough. Not one day has gone by where I don’t think about this man and what he put me through. Every single day without fail, he occupies my mind. I pray that one day it will stop, but I’m not counting on it.”
Just when Lambert was learning to smile again, she thought she had met the man of her dreams and moved from the Gold Coast to Sydney to be with him. But yesterday, in a series of images posted to her social media pages, Lambert detailed the shocking mental, emotional and physical abuse she experienced soon after.
She also details her story with the release of her latest track, When You Know, Then You Don’t, co-written with Abby Christo and Josh King.
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The first image posted sees Lambert explaining her harrowing experience. She wrote, “I am sorry to bring down the mood with this post, but I need to get this out… the song [When You Know, Then You Don’t] is the most important story I've told since Smile Again and the message means a lot to me.
“At the start of 2021, I moved to Sydney for a guy I fell in love with way too quickly. The warning signs of his anger and controlling behaviours were there from just 2 weeks in, but I ignored them and made excuses because I'd been heartbroken so many times and I just wanted a loving relationship. I was in denial.”
She continued, “The day I moved in with him, Sydney went into a 4-month lockdown. I was stuck, isolated from my support system, and completely controlled. He swore at me, yelled at me, sexually manipulated me, gaslit me, punished me, threw things, told me my personality was 'disgusting', put me down constantly, and got furious when I was happy - to the point where if I wanted to smile at something I had to hide it.”
In the second image, she recalls her shame and how she turned to Abby Christo for help.
“I became a weak, terrified, shell of a human who lost all joy in everything. It's like my soul had left my body,” she continued. “If you know me, you know that I LOVE life and thrive on being happy and making others happy - yet I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again. I didn't tell anyone what was happening because I didn't want my friends to know I was in yet another failed relationship, I felt so ashamed.
“I reached out to Abby and from there began me slowly opening up to my friends about how I was being treated. Because we were in a strict lockdown, I couldn't leave the house. I was living in hell. Abby called the government and asked if I could spend the weekend with her because she was so worried about me and they said in circumstances of abuse, I was allowed to leave the house, so I did.”
Lambert signed off with a series of selfies. “The first photo I posted was from one of the few weekends I stayed with Abby - I had to come up with some bullshit excuse so he'd let me go. I knew I had to leave him, but I was so scared, scared he'd hurt me if I tried to leave, scared of where I'd go, and scared of what my future now looked like," she wrote.
“The second photo is one of many countless nights I cried, hating myself, and hating him for treating me how he knew I'd been treated in the past.
"The last photo is the day after I moved out into a perfect little apartment that I'll remember forever. Freedom, I finally had it. I remember waking up that day and having no anxiety for the first time in months. No one was there to yell at me, threaten me, or tell me what I was doing wrong. I wasn't scared, I was... peaceful.”
The story behind my song that is being released tomorrow.
Posted by Brooke Lambert on Thursday, February 2, 2023
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Keep up to date with Brooke Lambert via her Facebook page here.